First two auditions of the year!

Christanna Rowader2 Comments

So I have successfully scored two auditions at the beginning of this year. One for Cabrillo Music Theater’s production of Little Shop of Horrors and one for an Industrial commercial for Canon. The music theater audition I got through myself through a simple phone call. The second, I got from my “sort of” manager (even though I’m not technically signed with her; used to be her intern).

The Terminator and I on the Red Carpet

My music theater audition was at night, and as I leave early feeling all the while very prepared and proud of myself, my car decides at that very moment to stop dead right off the freeway. Thankfully only a couple of blocks away from my destination, I call my friend Corey Donovan, who is the fastest driver I know, to come rescue me and bring me the rest of the way. At this time, I have twenty minutes before my in-time. It takes him ten. Five to push my car to a safe place and another five to whisk me to my audition. I get there right in time and sign in. I sing for the panel of directors, producers, and assistants. The pianist was slow on the rhythm of Gimme Gimme, but half way through he finally picked it up to the pace I originally wanted it.

I left happy with my audition; I did the best I thought I could do. Then I returned to my dead car, called AAA and waited an hour for help before I could go back home. My car will be the death of me, I just know it!

Audition #1: nearly late, did well, no callback.

My second audition was for the camera company, Canon. This was a much easier and stress-free audition. All I had to do was improv three different emotions/scenes focusing purely on expressions. Getting to the audition, however, was NOT stress-free. Let me just start out with Los Angeles sucks when it comes to directions and locations. I don’t have a GPS, so I rely on my Viking instincts and Google maps. In the past, I’ve had no trouble whatsoever finding places. But let me tell you! Los Angeles is definitely giving me a tough time!

Apparently as I exited the freeway, my destination was right around the corner. Google Maps tells me I need to turn right onto a street named La Cienega Pl. I am, however, on La Cienega Blvd., which is where I need to be, but I couldn’t seem to find the next street. After driving fifteen minutes further from the I-10, I finally call the Terminator (not the governor, but my manfriend), and ask him to plug in the directions into his GPS. Lo and behold, I need to turn back around. Mind you, I had left an hour early for my audition. At this point in turning around, I have twenty minutes to get to my audition.

As I make a Uee, I get stuck in some random road blockage called bumper-to-bumper traffic. OF COURSE!!! This takes me twenty minutes to get through and another five to find the warehouse/studio which is tucked down an unnamed alley behind a bunch of other unnamed warehouses. The only way I found it was making a calculated guess, the old-fashioned way of watching street numbers.

I walk in, dressed subtly as my role, a 1940’s farmer’s housewife, and sign in, apologizing for my nearly thirty minutes late to my viewing.

“You’re not the first,” the young man says. And at this point I didn’t really care. I just wanted to get it over with. Five minutes later, he ushers me in to an office room where two ladies were waiting. Both were extremely nice and encouraging, explaining to me the three scenes they wanted me to act out. The three scenes were: sitting in chair, upset about not having anything to cook for my husband and son and trying very hard not to show it; second, working hard and then noticing a beautiful sunset outside; third, just giving birth to my son and I am very happy about it.

All in all, this audition was a lot of fun because it was different from what I was used to. Albeit, a nice change of pace.

Audition #2: late, did well, got callback.

That’s it for auditions. In other news, I helped out with the premiere of Scott L. Schwartz’s Changing Hands (review coming soon), and I am also helping out with the gifting suites for the Oscar weekend. The most exciting part of that is being able to get a loan-dress. Saaahweet!

TIP: For headshots, make sure you have personality in your eyes and smile (or even your frown). You want different looks so that you can be submitted by your agent or manager having convincing different appearances. You do NOT want your expressions to be bland, plain, or boring. This is very important and many people make this mistake. It does NOT represent you well. These rules are mainly for commercial and theatrical. For print and modeling, it is okay to have the more glamorous shots (i.e. less expressive facial expressions).

The Revolution: Chapter 9 part 4

Christanna Rowader2 Comments

image 1 “Ben, you must let go of your fear of the Force.”

That was Luke. He stood off to the side of a training circle watching Ben who stood in the center. Ben had disengaged his lightsaber after a series of holographic battle simulations, with which he failed to defend himself during each level. His decision to no longer use the strengths and influences of the Force, ever since his mentor Jacen’s death, Ben’s skill with the lightsaber was no longer efficient against attack. But he was adamant to prove he could still win a fight without the Force.

However, the holographic simulations were programmed for Force-users; therefore much more difficult.

“Father, how many times must I tell you, I don’t fear the Force,” Ben replied, breathing heavily, “I refuse it.”

Luke crossed his arms defiantly. Then quickly relaxed his demeanor. So much like his mother, Ben was. Defensive, hot-headed, and stubborn. But even Mara had the sense of logic to use the Force, even after her haunting premonitions of the Emperor’s death and the task to kill Luke Skywalker so many years ago. And he knew that the death of Jacen and the death of Mara reverberating through the Force to the young teenage boy of Ben Skywalker had scarred Ben in ways a non-Force sensitive could never be.

“If you don’t start conditioning yourself to the Force now, it’ll be harder for you later. Possibly more dangerous. And I’d rather not have to be constantly worrying about your safety.” Ben’s posture quickly turned defensive, so Luke decided to rephrase that last part. “Remember that you’re Ben Skywalker, which means there are plenty of people out there ready to get rid of your existence.”

Ben snorted. “Maybe if they realize I’m not a JedI…” He let his sentence trail off,  noticing the expression on Luke’s face turn dark, and decided not to push his father too far.

“Am I interrupting something?” A woman’s voice startled both Ben and Luke, but mostly Ben. They turned to see Lilliya standing awkwardly outside the training circle, waiting to be noticed. “I’m guessing you guys couldn’t sense me coming, huh?” That last part sounded bitter.

Which took both Ben and Luke by surprise. Luke knew she wasn’t aware of her “invisibility” situation and wondered who spilt the news. Father and son exchanged a cautious look, then Luke moved toward her, while Ben stood perfectly still, perhaps a little on edge.

“You’re right about that,” Luke admitted gently, his blue eyes showing concern. “We are…unaware of your presence in the Force.”

“Funny,” Lilliya said, crossing her arms, “you never mentioned it before.” She glanced from Luke to Ben. Ben kept his eyes on her, and looked more edgy than before. “And he looks like he’s ready to jump me.” She gestured to Ben.

Luke looked back at Ben, who twirled his lightsaber hilt and clicked it onto his belt, shrugging back at Luke faux-innocently. Luke wasn’t fooled. He turned back to Lilliya.

“Ben just finished a holo-battle simulation and probably still has adrenaline rushing through him. And I never mentioned your invisibility before because you never asked.”

“Ha!” Lilliya scoffed. Then turned serious. “Well, whatever your real reasons were for bringing me here, and despite the fact that you’ve withheld important information on myself and the way the other JedI react to me, I’ve decided to really focus on this whole thing. Meaning, I’ll be taking your training a little more seriously.” She leaned forward as if giving away a secret.

That took Luke by surprise even more. He was expecting a big argument coming his way, which was the last thing he wanted after having consistent arguments with his own son.

“Really.” This time it was Ben who spoke up, still standing defensively. Both Luke and Lilliya turned their attention on him. “The Force isn’t something you can just inherit through knowledge. It’s genetic and believe me, I’m paying for it because it runs wild in my genes.”

Luke made a gesture to Ben that seemed to try to quiet him. But Ben continued.
“I work really hard to block out the Force, to make it not a part of my life style. And even still, I find myself being touched by it somehow, through a dream during sleep, or while I’m flying a space fighter. But you—” Ben pointed at her accusingly. “The Force doesn’t touch you at all. You don’t exist in the Force. If it can’t touch you, how in the universe will you ever be able to touch it? And why would you want to?—”

“Ben—” Luke interjected.

“No, Dad,” Ben said, raising his hand towards Luke. “All the Force will ever give you is pain. Power, yes. Strength, sure. But mostly pain. You will have access to every person’s pain…including your own.”

Lilliya stared at Ben, hypnotized by his sudden passion, something she hadn’t seen before. She felt shaky just by looking at his furious stare. But something inside of her grew angry, knotting her stomach defiantly, an animalistic urge to fight him, to beat him to a pulp. Her hands clenched into fists and she bit her lip feverishly. She had to fight to control herself from lunging at him.

Luke watched the two of them stand their ground, like animals ready to spring, and was amazed at how much negative energy radiated off of Ben. It seemed to flow then bounce right off of Lilliya’s invisible “shield.” It shook him to the bone, the anger he felt from Ben. The anger…and the tormented pain caused over the years of his adolescences.

Lilliya took a shaky breath, then replied darkly, “I can handle pain.”

Ben paused for a moment, then said, “Prove it.” With a snap-hiss, his white-blue lightsaber ignited to life and gestured to Lilliya.

“Ben, what are you thinking?” Luke said sternly.

“I’m not gonna cut her arm off or anything,” Ben said to Luke defensively. “I just wanna see what she’s got. I hear you’ve been training her with a lightsaber for about a week now. If she can somehow harness the Force even in the slightest, then she should have been able to pick up on a simple lightsaber exercise. And it‘s not like I‘ll be using the Force to help better my chances of winning.” Ben gestured to Lilliya again.

“That’s enough.” Luke struggled to hold his anger with his son at bay. “You two won’t be—”

“It’s okay, Luke,” Lilliya said, finally, her voice calm and clear. “I’ve been fighting with a stupid laser ball this whole time. Ben will be no different.” She wanted nothing more than to fight Ben, ever since his bad attitude on their way to Ossus.

Ben chuckled lightly, taking note on the subtle insult.

Lilliya stepped into the training circle, a wicked smile crossing her lips.

“This should be fun,” Ben said.

Luke shook his head, hating the whole idea, but at the same time, was ashamed at his curiosity at the outcome. He tossed his own lightsaber at Lilliya, who caught it neatly out of the air, and knew that this was probably a very bad idea. Might as well let the kids fight it out, Luke almost heard the voice of Mara whisper in his ear. He shrugged and stepped farther back from the circle.

“So be it,” he said, giving both Lilliya and Ben the go-ahead. “The first one to fall to the ground loses.”

Lilliya ignited the green-bladed lightsaber and the two of them saluted each other.
And then they struck, blue and green lightsabers colliding for just a moment, then separate. Another clash, blue and green melding into instant blinding light, and they continued, testing each other’s strength, pushing each other gently. Lilliya tentative but strong. Ben, holding back.

They continued like this for a few minutes, pressing lightsabers, pulling back, and quickly colliding over and over. Their speed quickened as they got comfortable with one another, and they began to take bolder strikes. Luke caught his breath as Ben swung his lightsaber at Lilliya’s midsection—which she deftly batted away—but then the saber swung back around towards her legs. Lilliya pushed off the ground, neatly jumping over the blue blade, all the while swinging her green blade at Ben’s shoulders.
He spun away and took a moment’s pause.

“Nice one,” he said, his breath light.

“Thanks,” Lilliya said, breathing much harder.

Then they attacked again, each push and swing more aggressive than the next, their eyes locked onto to each other like targeting computers. The only sounds within the training chamber were the electric hum and clash of the lightsabers…overpowering Lilliya’s heavy breathing.

Ben swung, dipped, and thrust his blade at her, and was very aware of the Force tempting to creep into his thoughts, to guide his movements. And as he glimpsed at his target through the Force for only a second, he saw nothing, and the Force could give no help. Lilliya was the perfect defense against a JedI. This challenged him further and he attacked harder. He swung his lightsaber in a series of parries, which Lilliya fought against, and got close enough to kick at her outer right thigh.

Lilliya felt the impact of Ben’s heel on her thigh, felt the pain surge through her leg, and nearly toppled over, which would have been a win for Ben. But then she quickly regained her balance on her left leg, spinning around and wielding her blade fast—though rather crude—against Ben’s, swinging in random directions as she learned Ben could not second-guess her.

“Good,” Luke said, though neither Ben or Lilliya was really paying much attention. He watched them both, but pushed out with the Force in an attempt to search for Lilliya within it, to see if she shed any light at all, not matter how small.

Lilliya swung her heel around to Ben’s hip this time, with which he shifted neatly out of the way.

“You’re not bad,” Ben muttered. “For someone who’s never used a lightsaber.”

“Dad taught me fencing when I was a kid,” Lilliya replied blandly.

Their lightsaber dance continued, Ben luring her in and then pummeling her back.

“You’re still as ghostly as ever, though,” Ben grinned sardonically. He heard his father groan in the background. “And this is getting boring. I’m gonna win.”

“Oh yeah?” Lilliya said.

“I’m barely exerting any strength on you. If I wanted, I could get you on your knees right now.”

This time Lilliya smiled. “So do it.” As she said that, she shifted to a two handed grip on the hilt and swung right, left and down.

Ben followed with two hands, batting each swing away, then twirled his lightsaber around hers, yanking it free of her hands. The green blade disappeared into the hilt.

Automatic shutdown.

Ben swung towards Lilliya, unarmed. She side-stepped, the blade entering the space she just occupied, and Lilliya punched Ben in the face.

He took a stumbling step back, a look of pain and shock crossing his face as he grabbed his jaw with his free hand.

“Hey!” Ben cried.

“Sorry,” Lilliya shrugged smugly.

“You know, punching isn’t part of the game,” Ben grumbled.

“Oh?” Lilliya smiled. “I didn’t know. I just know I’m gonna win…without a lightsaber.”

Before Ben could recover from his surprise, Lilliya did a quick sprint toward him, slid forward on her right leg, but without touching her left knee to the ground. She continued to slide under the blue humming blade, passed Ben’s side and elbowed him hard in his right kidney. He yowled, falling to his knees, and as his lightsaber fell with him, Lilliya deftly snatched it out of his hands, nearly breaking his wrist in the process, swung it twice for show, and placed the blade’s tip under Ben’s chin.

Giving a big toothy grin.

Ben, gripping his side tenderly, stared up at Lilliya in irritation.

Luke covered his humored smile with his hand. “Lilliya wins,” he said, trying to hide the smile out of his voice.

But Ben could sense it from him, Force or no Force. He felt humiliated and very annoyed.

“My dad also taught me self-defense,” Lilliya’s voice smug.

“If only your dad could see you now,” Ben muttered softly. And then he caught himself, knowing Lilliya had just lost her father on Endor. He knew he thought it, but was surprised with himself for verbalizing it. But it was too late.

Lilliya’s smug smile vanished immediately. “I wish he could,” she said darkly, her eyes glittering. “So he could see I beat the stang out of a JedI wanabee.”

Luke groaned again.

“Wanabee?” Ben scoffed. “I think you got it all turned around. You fit that description a whole lot more than—”

“How could you mention my father like that?” She cut him off, Ben’s lightsaber still humming in her hands, though she pulled it away from his chin.

Ben paused for a moment, regulating her expression. It was hurt, but he could tell she was holding a lot more hurt back. Then he shrugged. “Oh come on. Everyone dies. And everybody loses somebody. It’s not like you’re the only one who’s lost someone.”

Visions of Jenar and her father flashed through her mind like daggers. She blinked hard. She knew she could feel her tears rebel against her will. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Ben Skywalker.

“Yeah, well—” she gritted through teeth, “doesn’t make it easier. Still hurts.”

“You just said minutes ago that you can handle pain.” Ben slowly stood up as he said this.

“I can handle it just fine!” Lilliya spat. “What I can’t handle is you trying to get a reaction out of me. So I’m gonna give it to you. Don’t ever mention my father again.” Lilliya took a menacing step toward Ben, pointing a finger in his face.

“All right, fine!” Ben said defensively and started to turn away. “Good luck with becoming a JedI. You lose a lot in that career field.”

Lilliya sniffled and hated herself for doing it, but the tears were coming down without control.

“I don’t know what the hell I did to offend you, but from the start you’ve been a jerk,” Lilliya said, despite him walking away.

He stopped, and turned back around for the challenge. “Maybe if you hadn’t broken into my house, messed around with things that don’t belong to you, I wouldn’t even have a problem with you.”

“You can’t be serious,” Lilliya scoffed, despite the tears running down her cheeks. “I didn’t even break in. And besides—”

“There is no besides!” Ben spat. “I don’t need a reason to not like you. I just don’t. So accept it or get over it. And maybe go back to where you came from.” Whoops, that came out wrong, Ben thought. Again, her home was destroyed, so she had no other place. He couldn’t believe what got into himself either.

“That’s exactly where I wanted to go in the first place!” Lilliya cried. “I belong on the team with Jaina Solo. And I shouldn’t have agreed to come out here.” That last sentence was directed at Luke, who still sat quietly on the side on the training circle, watching. She turned directly to him. “So thanks, Luke. For your son, for the students who hate me, for this whole damn place. It’s been a great—a great—” She started choking on her tears and humiliation. She put a hand over her red face, and for a moment, it felt like she was alone, away from Ben and Luke’s critical eyes. She was amazed at herself. She hadn’t had a good cry since she was a young teenager. And as the tears burned her cheeks, all she could seem to think about was Jenar. He would have held her. He would have made her laugh. He loved her. And she never knew.

Her gut twisted in agony as that fact weighed on her mind. He never knew…she loved him. Instead, he died saving her, or trying to.

“I wish…you were here…” she murmured so quietly, she thought Ben and Luke couldn’t hear.

They could.

Dropping her hand, she remembered Ben and Luke staring at her, and that Ben‘s lightsaber was still gripped with her other hand. Thoroughly embarrassed, but not able to do anything about it, she let out a short, mocking laugh of defeat and dropped the unlit lightsaber to the ground. Then she turned around and walked out of the training circle, towards the nearby jungle, not caring what the Skywalkers thought.

Ben and Luke silently watched her go, both men a little taken aback by the sudden rush of emotions. Luke understood it though, knew she had kept it bottled up for so long that it wasn’t surprising it all came flooding out.

Then Luke turned toward Ben. “Go after her and apologize.”

Ben turned to Luke in surprise and was about to debate it.

“Now,” Luke said, pointing firmly in the direction she went.

Ben sighed, resigning all argument, knowing he was in the wrong, and nodded silently, not meeting his father’s very stern stare. He followed after Lilliya.

The Revolution: Chapter 9 part 3

Christanna Rowader1 Comment

imageA scream snapped Lilliya out of her meditation and the last image she saw was of a white-faced man with black eyes rushing at her. Then it faded, as quickly as the scream vanished, into the darkness of her mind. She shifted uncomfortably in the soft sofa chair she lounged in. She was alone within the library again. This was the one place she felt at peace, and safe from the eyes of the other JedI students. Luke was with his son, Ben, at the moment—father and son training she supposed—so the break of attention gave her the chance to do her own meditation.

She just didn’t expect to be frightened out of it by some ghostly figure. She buried the image from her mind, but decided to keep it close in case she should mention it to Luke. He said to tell him anything she experienced that was considered out of the ordinary. Random screams and scary faces of black-eyed men were definitely not her usual daydreams.

“Hello, Lilliya,” Forra said, making her jump in her chair again. He smiled at her surprised demeanor. “You really ought to get used to other people being around. Although, I am sure you would shock me as well, considering I cannot sense you within the Force.”
“Right…” Lilliya muttered, allowing a smile to break her furrowed concern. “How are you, Forra?”

“I am well. And you?”

Lilliya shrugged, not exactly sure which response was best, the truth, or an evasive little lie. “I’m fine. A little tired.”

“You look very drawn,” Forra said, crouching beside her. “Are you sick?”

She shook her head no. “I only had a…weird dream. Kind of jump-started me awake. Nothing too serious.”

“Was it of Pell? I heard of your little lightsaber battle,” Forra smiled, effectively avoiding anything that made Lilliya uncomfortable.

Lilliya laughed a little. “What, you didn’t see it? I thought the entire planet was witness to that. I’m a star now, you know.”

“Yes,” Forra chuckled. “Quite the little transporting celebrity.” Then his expression turned serious. “Speaking of stars, I think I have finally translated your pendant.”

Lilliya grew immediately interested. She had been waiting for over a week for Forra to translate the charm her father had hidden within his private chest, the charm that surprisingly fit onto the necklace she was found with as a child.

“It is interesting, this pendant of yours,” Forra murmured, his brow furrowing. “I could not attain the exact translation, but the closest language it resembles to is of the Yuuzhan Vong.”

Lilliya’s heart stopped. The last thing she dreamed of being related to was of the Yuuzhan Vong, the destructive and religious driven alien species who invaded the galaxy over a decade ago and successfully destroyed nearly everything in their conquest. The Yuuzhan Vong came from the outside, so it would make no sense that Lilliya’s original heritage was from outside the galaxy as well. She was human.

“As we are well aware of, the Vong do not use anything that is not of organics,” Forra continued, playing with the charm between his long fingers. “I cannot tell you how your father came upon this, or what it may mean to you, but the Basic word it closely resembles to is…Star.”

Lilliya was frozen, staring blankly at Forra for what seemed like hours. Then she blinked away her stupor, and cocked her head to the side in wonder. “Star?” she repeated softly.

Forra nodded. “Does this mean anything to you?”

Lilliya thought for a moment, then shook her head slowly. “No,” she murmured.

Forra sighed, then handed back the charm. “I was hoping it would shed light on your mystery.”

Lilliya frowned. “My mystery?”

“Yes,” Forra responded innocently. “You are a mystery to us, invisible to the Force. Others say they feel threatened by you, as though your mere presence repels the Force away. We have experienced this only with the Yuuzhan Vong. And you are certainly not a Vong.” Forra smiled at this, hoping to cheer up the obviously upset Lilliya. Only as her expression darkened in confusion did Forra realize she was unaware of this information he now laid on her. “I am sorry,” he continued, “you did not know of this?”

“Not at all,” Lilliya grumbled. “No wonder I’m being treated as a science experiment.”

“Then I am very sorry,” Forra said, his face falling. “I was not supposed to make you feel isolated.”

“It’s not your fault.” Lilliya waved him off.

“I am not strong in the Force, so, at first, I thought your invisibility was because I could not see you. Where in fact, no one can,” Forra explained. “But I thought you knew this. That was why I thought you were here.”

“So I could be exploited…” Lilliya muttered, her gaze fixed on the stone floor.

Forra grew nervous now. “I am worried. Please do not be angry with us.”

Lilliya’s gaze snapped up and met Forra’s. Her expression softened suddenly and she reached out to touch his arm. “Why are you afraid of me?” Concern flooded her multi-colored eyes.

“I fear things I do not understand,” Forra whispered. “Most of us do. Only the Master JedI do not fear.”

“Don’t be afraid of me,” Lilliya said softly. “You are my only friend here.” Then she smiled to show she was no longer angry, though she reminded herself to have a heartfelt conversation with Luke once he was finished with whatever he was doing. “And I am very happy that you took the time to translate my charm.” Her expression changed as she was reminded by something. Something buried deep within her memory. Al lechufeon marahl… It was the Huttese phrase Jenar was constantly throwing at her, laughing at her frustration because she never learned as many languages as he… “What does al lechufeon marahl mean?” she asked bluntly, not meeting Forra’s golden eyes.

His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “It is of the Huttese language. A very rare saying. It means ‘my beautiful one.’”

Lilliya felt a stab of pain in her chest and quickly reburied all thoughts of Jenar and the Huttese words, zeroing in on her thoughts of Luke Skywalker and her “exploitation.”
Forra’s expression remained worried.

Lilliya sighed and stood from her sitting position. She straightened her jumpsuit and began to make her way out of the library.

“What are you going to do now?” Forra called after her.

“I’m leaving,” Lilliya said. “My time here is done.”

“You cannot!” Forra ran after her. “You must not give up. You may be an enigma to us, but I can tell you are special. I can tell!”

Lilliya scoffed. “You can’t even pick up a tiny pebble with the Force, how you can your assumptions about me mean anything other than sick curiosity?”

Forra stopped, his expression turning sad.

Lilliya stopped too, immediately regretting what she had said. “I’m sorry,” she said, turning to look him straight in the eye. “I didn’t mean that. I just don’t belong here—obviously never did. And I don’t care if I’m invisible to you guys. It’s never been a big deal in my life before.”

Forra took a deep breath, his voice taking a serious note. “Lilliya, you are the star…”

Lilliya paused for a moment, studying Forra’s sudden passion. And then the way the word “star” mixed with her name reverberated in her head baffled her, made her wonder, but then, even more curiously, made her feel like she had come upon a huge discovery. As though something clicked, made sense for the first time. As if, she was one step closer to understanding everything she never understood before.

“I think…” Lilliya murmured, her wonder-filled gaze focused on the ground, “I’m having a revelation.” A crooked smile crept on her lips.

Forra frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“From now on, Forra,” Lilliya said, meeting his gaze, “I want to be called Lilliya Starr.”

“Do you think it is your family’s name?”

Lilliya shook her head. “I have no idea.” She truly didn’t, but for some reason, changing her name was like changing everything, giving her a fresh start at life. And with this new life, she would work harder with Luke to find a way to the Force, in spite of everything she learned of her presence on Ossus. As much as she denied it in the past, deep down inside she knew she had some sort of unusual power. Her visions were no coincidence and her sudden random transportation was no accident, even though she couldn‘t figure out how to do it again.

My beautiful one… Jenar’s voice echoed through her head again and she shook it away as quickly as it came. If the name Lilliya Starr was to give her a new life, then she would have to bury the past far beneath her.

“He loved me,” she murmured, “and I never knew.”

“What?” Forra said.

Lilliya looked up at Forra. “Never mind. Gotta go!” At that, she spun on her heel and left the library at a brisk pace, Forra watching her leave in bafflement.

Who did WHAT to me?!?!

Christanna RowaderLeave a comment

Below is a list of five people who impacted/affected my life within the past five years. Something I walked away with while knowing them.

Chris Cameron—motivation for academic straight-A’s when motivation was grim.

Marilyn Rodriguez—acquired the ability of defense (not taking shit).

Rachel Bruce—learned to listen.

Mathew Solace—learned to love…not necessarily romantic love, but unselfish love.

Anthony Garcia—real devotion and patience…not necessarily a strong trait in myself, but something I’m working towards because of.

Notice how I didn’t mention my parents. It’s because they could only teach me the general nuts and bolts of living. The rest, you begin to learn when learning from those outside your parental region.

Well, that’s my list, but there’s always more to come now that I’m meeting new people (like Michael Duisenberg—still learning…). S’why I love meeting new people. You never know what you’re gonna learn about yourself.

Who added to your learning of life? You’ll be surprised when you take the time to think about it.

The Revolution: Chapter 9 part 2

Christanna Rowader4 Comments

The darkness lasted for what seemed like seconds—not long enough—before Jaina felt the pain roll through her body as she slowly woke. There were voices, quiet and curious, but she couldn’t tell how many there were. On Endor, she thought she had died along with her team. To her dismay, it seemed they—whoever they were—decided to keep her alive.

“Is she awake?” Jaina heard a man’s voice say. She debated whether she should fake unconsciousness or not.

“Not sure,” another answered. “She should wake any second.”

“Send him in, then,” the first man’s voice spoke. Another minute passed and then she heard hustled footsteps followed by slow, controlled steps clinking against metal. Jaina reached out with the Force to sense her surroundings. She felt two presences—human, according to their thought processes—and only two. Jaina could handle two, depending on her physical condition and surrounding. At the moment, she didn’t know the status of either.

“She should wake any moment, Admiral,” the first man’s voice said.

“She is already awake,” a new voice, darkly musical and soft, said. “And she can hear me. Can’t you?”

Jaina assumed that last phrase was directed at her. No sense in keeping up the pretense, she decided, and slowly opened her eyes.

Pain shot through every nerve in her body just from the simple movement of her eyelids. Her vision blurred as her eyes watered in pain, her face tingling as she attempted to regard her surroundings. She was inside a small, metal cell. It was clean as far as she could tell, and she happened to be laying on her back on a cold, hard cot. She risked turning her head towards her visitors and winced as pain rippled through her neck. But the effort was enough to see who was standing in the cell’s entrance. Two men stood to the side, human just as she had predicted, and in silver military uniforms. But there was a third person she didn’t sense through the Force. He stood in the center of the entrance, tall and muscular, shockingly handsome with ivory skin, silver hair chopped short, and a glistening white smile.

The smile sent shivers down Jaina’s spine.

“Hello,” he said with that silky, mesmerizing voice. He cocked his head to the side, starring at Jaina with an animalistic curiosity.

She opened her mouth to respond out of habit, but nothing came out and she quickly shut her mouth.

“Her vocal cords may be temporarily paralyzed due to the paralysis,” the man with gray-white hair, to the left of the handsome man, said.

“I can fix that,” the handsome man said, cocking his head again.

Jaina’s heart quickened, fearing what he meant by that. She did indeed feel like she couldn’t move her body, and it frightened her more that the man moving towards her was completely invisible to the Force. It was like watching something unreal and ghostlike stalk her down and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The handsome man sat down on the cot beside her and gently lifted her to a sitting position, his cold hands gripping her bare arms. As he helped her up, Jaina realized her pilot uniform had been replaced by a thin white sheet which barely covered her body. Normally this wouldn’t bother her, but the close proximity mixed with the invisibility of the handsome man put her on edge.

The man reached out with his right hand and placed it on her neck. He gently began to massage right underneath her chin and Jaina felt warmth spreading into her throat. She watched his eyes. They sparkled strangely and his eyes were the darkest blue she’d ever seen. And then she noticed something in his left eye. There was a black spot to the side of the iris—deep black and diamond-shaped. It reminded her of something, but her head hurt too much to concentrate.

He massaged her neck for about a minute before releasing her, smiling again.

“What is your name?” he asked, his eyes penetrating and hypnotizing.

Jaina debated answering, but couldn’t think of a reason why she shouldn’t.

“Jaina Solo,” she answered, her voice crackling. She coughed to clear it.

“My name is Maurel,” he replied, his breath cold against her skin. Jaina noticed the man with the gray hair frowning in disapproval, or confusion, she couldn’t quite tell. Her connection with the Force felt numb and distant for some reason. “You are a JedI, I assume?”

Jaina frowned realizing she was under interrogation and it was already a bad idea that she gave out her name. She made an effort to keep her mouth shut, but found it hard not to answer the questions.

“You’ve been given a mental-calming serum. You’ll be more corporative this way, but don’t fight it. You’ll overload your brain and die if you do,” Maurel said. “At least, that’s what happened to the last girl we interrogated. What was her name?” He turned to the gray-haired man behind him.

“Macy,” the older man answered.

“Yes,” Maurel breathed. “She was the President’s personal aide. She died a painful death. She rejected the serum and her brain, in simpler terms, exploded. I’ve never met a JedI before, so I would like to keep you alive for a while longer. So, please, cooperate.”

Jaina’s vision blurred as Maurel spoke, her head feeling heavy. She would have fallen over if it weren’t for Maurel holding her up with his hands.

“Of course we already know you are a JedI,” Maurel continued. “We’re studying your lightsaber. It has some fascinating qualities. I’m surprised you JedI use—crystals, is it—as the power source. An interesting choice, I will admit, but a smart one. If only the crystals you used were of a better, stronger material. I experimented with the crystal you had inside your lightsaber. It overloaded and shattered.

“Interesting actually. It symbolizes you, or your galaxy’s species. So frail…” Maurel brushed a cool, white finger along Jaina’s jaw. Her eyes rolled back, the room spinning around her sickeningly. She squeezed her eyes as she tried to regain control.

“You sure risk a lot—” she gulped as she forced herself to speak, “telling me all this.”

“Not really,” he smiled again. “You won’t remember this conversation.” His finger continued to stroke her cheek, then suddenly snatched her chin in a tight grasp, forcing her to look directly at him. “What were you doing in this system?”

Jaina bit her lip, fighting against the urge to answer. Her mind seemed to be rebelling against her. So she breathed deeply, as deeply as she could handle since her lungs were tight, and tried to concentrate on the little connection she had with the Force. Surprisingly, it gave her some strength and resistance to the serum she was under.

“No matter,” Maurel silky voice caressed her skin. “I already know you are the President’s daughter. Of course you would be sent here to investigate one of your military bases. And seeing as this is one of your furthest outposts, it is only logical to assume that someone alerted you to the base’s destruction. Someone who escaped…”

Jaina immediately thought of Lilliya. She pictured her silver hair cascading down in ringlets, her long muscular form, her drawn face and sad expression…

Maurel’s grip on Jaina’s chin tightened as he leaned closer. “I need you to help me,” he murmured darkly, his tone suddenly turning ominous. “I am looking for someone. A girl. She escaped to Coruscant and I know that she had met with your President. Which means that you know of her existence.”

Jaina shook her head, not in response to Maurel, but in an attempt to shake off the drugging serum.

“She would have white skin,” Maurel continued, “and gold hair by day, silver hair by night. She would be very unique compared to the rest of you. And beautiful, very beautiful. I need to know her name. I need to know where she is.”

Jaina knew exactly who he was referring to, but refused to tell, fighting against the serum. “I don’t know—” Jaina whispered, and the mere lie sent excruciating pain to her head and behind her eyes. It really did feel like her head would explode. So she quickly reverted back to meditating on the Force in order to help her clear the pain.

It sounded as though Maurel growled, but she couldn’t be sure. She was barely keeping conscious as it was.

“Maybe this will spur your memory,” Maurel muttered, pulling out a necklace from the folds of his chrome-colored tunic. From the end of the necklace hung a familiar crystal charm. It glittered in the dim light, refracting little rainbows on Maurel’s pale skin. “If she were smart, she would be wearing one of these at all times. And I guarantee she is very smart.”

Jaina glanced at the charm, then back up into Maurel’s smoldering eyes. The diamond scar seemed to grow blacker, if that was even possible.

And then something struck her. Maurel’s diamond scar and crystal necklace were exactly the same as Lilliya’s diamond scar and crystal necklace! Somewhere within the foggy dimness of her mind, Jaina made a revelation. She just couldn’t pinpoint it in her current mindset.

Suddenly, Maurel grabbed Jaina’s head, placing both hands on either side, and squeezed. Jaina gasped, the pressure of his hands sending shock waves of pain into her head.

“This is going to hurt more than the serum,” Maurel growled. “But you leave me no choice. You will tell me where she is. You will tell me her name.”

Maurel’s eyes, smoldering sapphire, bored into hers, lighting on fire. Then, before she could blink away, something powerful slammed into her head, her brain feeling as though it were being torn open to expose her every memory, thought, dream…the pain so unbearable a scream ripped through her throat, echoing off the chamber walls and down the corridors.

And somewhere amidst all the agonized screaming, a name was whispered.

“Lilliya…”

Maurel smiled.

2010: The Sequel! And…what should be my new Resolution?

Christanna Rowader2 Comments

Of course, I’m referring to the 80s film 2010 which precedes 2001: A Space Odyssey. Neither of these films actually foretold the future of the Millennium very well. We have not built a base on the Moon and have not found the answer to the beginning of intelligence on Earth.

However, once 2010 hits, a simple revelation will be made…sort of. Of course, I’m referring to myself. What else are blogs for but to write personal accounts, heavy opinions on topics that reside within my own brain, untouched and stubborn to the outside thoughts of others, but mildly interested and appreciative of those thoughts.

2010 is coming and so a whole new year will unfold. It was only a year ago when I was making my slow-crawling ascent from the depths of despair which I had somehow allowed myself to tumble down into. My New Year’s Resolution then was to go “whimming,” to start a whole new look at life, to find happiness when happiness seemed so foreign and far, to embark on adventures, to laugh and play, to DATE like no other had dated before! Allowing myself to be open in case lightning struck me hard, waking me from a dreamlike reality I had been escaping to.

I found it: the path to Happy Ville. I found the ability to not need too much, to use logic rather than emotion ( in simpler terms, I have found a way to become more Vulcan), to be more confident in my beliefs about life, to not be knocked down, and so on.

At the beginning of 2009, I was barely surviving my own destruction, deciding on writing being the only way out. I made the bestest (YES, bestEST) of friends I could ever think of having and had the pleasure of creating memories I will never forget.

In 2009, I discovered the life of dating many different types of guys, while finally slowing down with The Terminator, whom I also refer to as my manfriend.

In 2009, I finally found a home: California. I never thought I would feel so comfortable here as fast as I did. I still revel in the fact that people here actually pronounce my name correctly right off the bat, rather than always screwing it up as they did in Arizona. I always think that’s a sign I belong…

However, not everything is all peaches and cream. My grandfather, Papa, is dying, mentally and physically. Once the smartest man I knew, is now the weakest man I know. I thought it would frighten me that he couldn’t remember me or mom, but it hasn’t. I had come to accept this, along with the rest of my family. He may not last another year, and even if he did physically, he will have no memory left. He brought me up as a child, but he will not witness me become a wife, a mother, a successful person…It is weird to think about.

Nonetheless, I actually did conquer my previous New Year’s resolution. I found the motivation to keep up a consistent blog, I finally graduated college, I got the hell out of Arizona and didn’t get stuck in a place I never wanted to be, I found a drama-free living situation with roommates who are kind yet distant, I am interning in two places at once, both being apart of the entertainment industry, I have already done three different Red Carpet events, met Patrick Kilpatrick, and have developed friendships with wonderfully interesting and fun people.

Most importantly, I found where I belong. I found my Happy Place. I guess finding happiness is easier than losing weight…? At least it is for me—I like food too much.

Next New Year’s Res.? I am FINALLY READY to find Love!…Although, considering this is much harder to achieve than even losing weight, I might change it to Being Able To Quit BJ’s. Or maybe they shall both be my New Year’s Res.? What do you think? Which one should be my Resolution? Love or Quitting BJ’s? You tell me.

I hope all of you had your wishes come true this year. And even if they didn’t, or you feel disappointed in some part of your life, just remember, tomorrow is another day! (thank you, scarlet o’hara).

All right, Red Carpet! Here we go!

Christanna Rowader1 Comment

So I just recently applied to two internships. One being an internship as a blogger/pr assistant with Misty’s Extreme PR. The second being an internship with Lang Talent, a management organized get their actors work. With that particular job, I will be setting up actors with auditions and what-nots…if only I could do the same for myself… But it will be a fascinating learning experience and I will make great connections.

Posing in the Hollywood Subway.

Speaking of great connections, my PR internship involves me writing blogs on Misty’s clients (up and coming actors who need more media attention) and I will be helping them get that attention. I will be posting on other blog sites, but keep your eyes peeled on this one as well as I will be posting the actors’ interviews and insider info on this site. Along with writing blogs, I am kind of Misty’s assistant, or will eventually turn into one, as I get to accompany the “clients” to Red Carpet events and award ceremonies. Holla!

So, a note to the other actors out there, don’t throw all your chips in the acting pile, and keep your interests in other aspects of the industry, cause you never know what might happen and who’ll meet. I haven’t had an audition yet, but I’m already apart of the industry, just in a different way. 🙂

The Revolution: Chapter 9 part 1

Christanna Rowader1 Comment

A cool breeze whipped Jaina’s hair as she stepped out into the opening, kicking a metal shard with her boot. The smell of burnt decay wrinkled her nose and she tried to ignore the small animals scavenging the dead bodies.

The TwinSuns team had landed on Endor nearly over two weeks ago. They had decided to stealth land outside the Raider Base perimeter in case the base was being watched by the invisible enemy. When they had arrived in the system, there was no sign of a ship, but that didn’t make Jaina feel safe. The other investigation team had vanished in just a matter of hours, so Jaina and her team were taking every precaution.

They journeyed towards the base perimeter on foot, surveying the forest for any sign of alien life. By the end of the week, as they neared the base, they had discovered a crashed Z-Wing, half way melted to the ground.

The team had set up camp within the forest outside the wide crater where the Raider Base once stood, and waited. Nothing showed up. No sign of any alien life appeared on their scanners. Just a few local animals greeted the team every once in a while. So Jaina decided to move on ahead to the base. With her adept Force skills, she couldn’t sense anything out of the normal, and she felt it safe to accept the possibility that the ship had moved on. But that meant, wherever it might have moved to, there would be another attack, and that would be very bad.

“We’ve done a full scan of the area,” Gavin called from a few meters away. “There’s no evidence of the investigation team even landing here.”

“If that ship was here when they arrived in-system, there’s a chance they never landed at all,” Wess said, surveying the debris.

Jaina pursed her lips. The situation was more perplexing than she thought it would be. “Well, looks like whatever was here is gone now. And I think it’s safe to assume the investigation team has been eliminated. Nothing left for us to do, but to return to Coruscant and let the Alliance know we have a dangerous rogue ship on the loose.”

“Unfortunately that means we’ll have to wait for the next attack before we can do anything about it,” Gavin said. The other pilots exchanged grim looks.

“Seems that way…” Jaina grumbled, scooping up to pick up a melted shard of metal. She peered casually at it, thinking she recognized the warped emblem on the black metal. As she looked closer, it dawned on her. It was the specific Alliance emblem for secret security. The Raider Squadron wouldn’t have been issued the emblem because it was only given to the highest agents of the secret Alliance corps. That corps came from Coruscant. But before she could say anything, something froze inside of her.

“Sithspit!” Wess shouted from behind her.

She looked up from the shard and noticed a ghostly white figure, tall and slender, facing her from the edge of the forest. Jaina dropped the shard in surprise.

“Jaina, we got company,” Gavin called to her.

She turned around and saw five more white humanoids all spread out along the perimeter of the crater. They didn’t move.

“Looks like,” Jaina muttered, wrapping her fingers around the lightsaber’s hilt hidden within her jumpsuit. Gavin, Wess, Kenalle, and Bayley pulled out their rifle blasters and started to form a tight circle with Jaina. Still, the humanoids didn’t budge.

“You think these are our guys?” Kenalle said.

“Most likely,” Gavin said, his voice tight.

Bayley made a low growl in response.

“Don’t do anything yet,” Jaina said, locking her eyes on the humanoid across from her. “Let them make the first move.”

As soon as Jaina said that, the tall humanoids started sauntering towards the pilots’ little circle, no weapons in hand.

“All right…they’re making the first move,” Kenalle grumbled tensely.

Jaina’s grip on her lightsaber tightened as she realized she couldn’t sense these humanoids. She could sense the nervousness of her pilots, but the white humanoids were as though they didn’t exist…like ghosts. Like Lilliya. This realization turned her stomach to ice. It seemed that Lilliya was an imposter after all. Her thoughts turned to Ossus, fearing for the safety of the Jedi Temple.

“Jaina,” Gavin said, “what do you want to do?” The humanoids were just meters away, their strides careful and even, almost dance-like.

“Shoot ‘em down,” Jaina muttered, igniting the blue blade.

At her command, the pilots fired upon the oncoming humanoids, red laser beams propelling from the rifles.

Strangely enough, the beams absorbed into the humanoids’ skin, leaving nothing but smoke. And they kept coming. This time, all six of them pulled out a long silver, wicked-looking rifle, all aimed at the pilots.

“We are in serious trouble,” Wess said.

“Never saw that before,” Kenalle grumbled.

“Grenade!” Jaina yelled, pulling out a small round mine and tossing it at the humanoid in front of her. It exploded on contact, except that the humanoid had dodged it effortlessly. It was now charging at her, rifle aimed and firing. Silver-white bolts flew in Jaina’s direction, but she deflected them easily with her lightsaber, forcing the silver bolts back at the attacker. They struck the humanoid and it’s body disintegrated in sickening silence, leaving only a pale dust.

Jaina’s eyes widened in horror. “Bad news guys,” she called, “don’t get shot.”

Too late, it seemed, as she heard someone behind her cry out in agony.

“Bayley!” Gavin cried out, running to support Bayley’s crumpling body. Bayley’s left arm had melted off and his shoulder still seemed to be disintegrating from the bolt.

Two other grenades went off as Wess tossed them towards his attacker. The second one successfully blasted the legs off of the humanoid. Unfortunately, this didn’t stop it. It started crawling towards Wess with its arms. Wess stared in horror, shooting at the humanoid’s head and hands to no avail.

Jaina propelled herself through the air, landing on top of the humanoid’s torso, and drove her lightsaber into the back of its neck, ending its progression. She grabbed the silver rifle the humanoid had dropped and tossed it at Wess who caught it swiftly.

The other pilots were retreating towards the forest, tossing grenade after grenade in an attempt to slow down their attackers. Gavin was nearly dragging Bayley.

“Come on!” Jaina clapped Wess on the back, snapping him out of his temporary shock and the two of them ran for the forest. Wess shot at one of the humanoids who had directed its attention towards them, but missed as the humanoid dodged the bolt.

Jaina flew through the air towards Gavin, Bayley, and Kenalle to help them fight off the other three attackers. She landed in between the pilots and the humanoids, deflecting the blazing silver bolts with every swing and arc of the blue blade.

“Wess!” Gavin yelled, shouldering Bayley onto Kenalle’s arm. “Get the hell over here!”

Wess was determined to shoot down the other attacker, but this one was adapting to Wess’ firing pattern, dodging every shot and getting closer with its own rifle.

Jaina was busy with her own threesome as each deflected shot seemed to miss the oncoming attackers.

“Grenade!” Kenalle shouted, as he tossed another mine towards the threesome. The explosion took out one of the humanoids, but the other two kept coming with relentless fire.

“Behind you!” Gavin cried, but his voice was soon drowned out by a guttural scream. Jaina took a second to glance behind her just in time to see Kenalle’s body melt away, Bayley falling into his dust.

“How!—” Jaina exclaimed, but was cut off as another bolt shot through Bayley’s chest this time, evaporating his body. In that instant, Jaina noticed Wess could not be found and saw the fourth humanoid charging at them from behind.

Gavin and Jaina exchanged tense looks as they grimly realized they were going to die.

Jaina turned back to her two attackers and concentrated on surviving a little longer, wielding her lightsaber in a blinding flash. She vaguely heard Gavin call out “grenade” and recognized multiple explosions from behind. She hoped one of the mines would take out that humanoid. Sweat trickled down her forehead. She wondered if this was really how she was going to die after all the wars, kidnapping, and assassination attempts she somehow survived. She was going to die on Endor by two alien humanoids shooting at her. She was the last surviving Solo child and she still wouldn’t make it to retirement. What a way to go down in history, she thought wryly. One of the bolts escaped her blade and nearly nicked her face if she hadn’t slid to her knees.

“Gavin?” she called out, wondering if he was still alive.

“Still here!” he called back, but his voice was tight. Jaina stole a glance behind her. Gavin somehow was able to disarm the humanoid and was now in hand-to-hand combat with it.

Jaina reached out with the Force and pulled at the abandoned silver rifle. It landed smoothly in her hand and she swung it at her attackers, firing wildly from side to side. The humanoids seemed to anticipate her move and fell to the ground rolling in opposite directions.

“Dammit,” Jaina muttered, watching the humanoids spread apart, making it more difficult to shoot at them. Then the rifle in her hand was shot away, the silver metal melting rapidly on the ground. As soon as that happened, the two humanoids sprung back up with incredible speed and were now sprinting towards her from both sides, rifles ready but not firing.

She pushed with the Force at one of them. It flew back a few meters, but didn’t slow it down. They weren’t firing at her anymore, so she didn’t have any bolts to deflect back at them. She pushed again at the second humanoid. Same result.

Wondering about Gavin, she glanced behind her to check on his status and came face to face with the other humanoid. For a split second she was completely caught off guard, but that was all it needed. The tall humanoid punched her in the nose, the impact knocking her backwards and blurring her vision. Jaina rolled to her side, grasping her nose reflexively and thought she saw Gavin lying on the ground a few meters away. She reached out, sensing that he was still alive. Maybe they weren’t going to die. Maybe the humanoids wanted prisoners, which could buy Jaina some time to escape…

A white hand grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet, pointing the silver rifle in her face.

Then again, maybe not…

The other humanoid stood ready, its rifle also aimed at her face. Jaina could feel warm fluid running down her mouth, tasted like copper, so she assumed her nose was bleeding and broken.

For the longest moment, it seemed, nobody moved. Jaina got a good look at her attackers. Their skin was whiter than white, almost clear. Their hair was also white and bristly. Their bodies masculine and lean, with muscle that bunched and twitched with every motion. And their eyes…their eyes were the most disturbing part of them all. Ice-blue and blank. There was no emotion, no hint of fear, anger, determination—nothing. Which disturbed Jaina even more because she couldn’t sense their presence in the Force either. But none of their appearances looked anything like Lilliya’s. The only thing they had in common was their ability to be invisible to the Force. But that was enough to put Jaina on edge and be convinced Lilliya was one of them.

“What now?” Jaina growled when nothing happened.

The humanoid to her right cocked its head curiously, then Jaina heard a moan from behind. Gavin was coming to. Jaina turned to see him grabbing his face in pain. The  humanoid that cocked its head sauntered over to Gavin. For a moment, fear stabbed Jaina in the gut hoping that Gavin would know to stay perfectly still.

It didn’t matter. The humanoid pointed its rifle at Gavin’s torso. Gavin opened his eyes, peered up at the white alien, then flickered to glance at Jaina. Before he could even open his mouth to make a sound, the humanoid fired a single silver bolt into Gavin’s gut, disintegrating his body instantly.

Jaina felt bile rise up her throat, Gavin’s agonized expression imprinted into her memory. And then something burning pierced her in the back, blackness overtaking her.

***

“I can’t feel the damn rock!” Lilliya exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air, pacing back and forth in the center of the training room.

Luke sat cross-legged on the floor, his fingers making a steeple lightly touching his lips. He seemed to be battling patience with irritation and confusion. He had spent full days alone with Lilliya trying train her in the Force. He had decided to take her on as his personal student for many reasons. One of them being the other students felt antagonized by her ever since her confrontation with Pell, another being that she was a mystery that needed to be solved. He had tried to have her reenact the transportation technique, but she couldn’t do it again. Lilliya admitted that she had never experienced that before and had no idea how it happened.

Luke was convinced she was able to tap into the Force in a different way than most, which was in defense. So Luke spent hours putting her in situations which would cause her to protect herself, but nothing extraordinary happened. Lilliya was able to defend herself like any other normal being.

So Luke then tried the old-fashioned way of Force training. He used techniques and exercises on her that Yoda used to use on him. Still, to no avail. And Lilliya was losing her patience fast. Which meant she was losing concentration, making any Force training exercise pointless.

Lilliya kicked at the rock she was supposed to levitate, or at least sense through the Force, and winced.

“There,” she grumbled, “now I felt it.”

Luke looked up at her from his sitting position, rubbing his temples in exhaustion. She stood facing him, hands on her hips.

“Come here,” he finally said, weary seeping into his voice.

Lilliya hesitated for a second, then grudgingly knelt down in front of him, running a hand through her golden hair.

“Let’s try something else—” he started, but Lilliya interrupted.

“Aren’t you tired yet? I feel like we’ve tried everything in the book. I do not have the Force…” Her voice trailed off in response to Luke’s stern expression.

He took a deep breath and cleared his mind of frustration. “This is simpler. It’s just a meditation exercise. It should help you calm your mind. It is possible you are too distracted.”

“I just don’t understand the point of this,” Lilliya argued. “I’m a pilot, not a JedI. I should be out with the TwinSuns Squadron investigating Endor, not here wasting my time pretending to be something I’m not capable of being.”

“Don’t you think it’s extremely out of the ordinary that you could transport your body through time and space? By accident?” Luke said, his voice soothing.

“Yes. It’s the strangest thing I’ve faced yet,” Lilliya admitted sarcastically. “But I don’t really care about investigating it because it seems I can’t do it again. I’m okay with calling it a fluke accident.”

“Lilliya,” Luke said, resting a hand on her shoulder. “You are very unique and—”

“Yeah, yeah. Believe me, I’ve heard it before,” Lilliya muttered, jumping to her feet. “I’m one hell of a special girl, blah, blah. What I want to know is why you have such an interest in me. Why you? And Leia? And I can tell all the other JedI around here look at me like I’m some freak. Especially your son.”

Luke sighed, sensing defeat for today. He was bothered by Ben treating Lilliya so harshly. He was surprised that Lilliya wasn’t lashing out at him yet.

“The reason I have such an interest in you is because you have displayed a skill that has never been recorded by any person in the whole galaxy,” Luke said, rising to his feet to counteract Lilliya. “That makes you very unique and worth understanding.”

“I’m like a science project to you.”

Luke was silent for a moment while he thought of a response. “In a way…yes.”

Lilliya was about to turn away, but Luke grabbed her arm and continued.

“I know how you feel,” Luke started, his voice suddenly very soft. “I know that you feel isolated, alone…useless. Everything you belonged to is gone now. It’s all gone.”

Lilliya looked away, trying to hide the pain building in her eyes.

Luke took her other arm, holding her at arms length. “This is your new beginning. You are unique. To me. This is why I want to waste all my time teaching you. How else do you think I single-handedly built the JedI Academy from the ground up?” He smiled wryly because if anyone else were to have heard him say that, he would never hear the end of it. “I believed in people and never gave up on them,” he continued. “Just like you.”

Lilliya stared at the ground, her lips pulled in a tight line. She shook her head in defeat. “This is…ridiculous,” she muttered, then met Luke’s blue stare with clear eyes. “Jenar—my best friend, or was until…” Her voice trailed off, but Luke encouraged her to continue, gently tightening his grip on her arms. “Well, anyway, he always thought I had a connection to the Force. He and I would argue about it all the time. I didn’t like the whole JedI thing because he kept pushing it on me. He never gave up, I guess. I told him he was crazy…”

Luke cocked his head in interest. “What inspired him to think you had the Force?”

Lilliya hesitated. She wasn’t sure how to explain it. “There were times,” she said softly, “where I could feel something about to happen before it did. Almost like really accurate intuition. It always came as a tingling sensation, like on the back of my neck. I got that feeling the day of the attack. The problem is I can’t always pinpoint it. I just know something is going to happen or change.”

Luke nodded slowly. “All the more reason to keep you training. We’re bound to discover something.” He smiled crookedly, sensing the tension between him and Lilliya had passed.

Lilliya rolled her eyes. “I guess that means we’re not taking a break.”

Luke smiled widely. “Nope.”

“You JedI are relentless,” Lilliya groaned in resignation.

“We are at that,” Luke laughed. He sat back down and crossed his legs, motioning for Lilliya to do the same.

She sat opposite of him on the hard stone floor, wiggling to get comfortable. “I’m assuming this is gonna be a while. Do we have any pillows?”

“JedI move past any discomfort. Meditation helps with this,” Luke explained. “With this particular exercise, I am going to help you in meditation. I will be reaching out to you with my mind, hopefully connecting with your thoughts, and help you focus them.”

“Sounds invasive,” Lilliya said humorously.

“If you think of it that way,” Luke said, cocking his right eyebrow. “But I’d rather you think of it as me helping you focus on a target, so to speak. I will be helping you aim your thoughts on a spot of light. That light will represent the Force. Of course, it won’t really be the Force, but it will help you direct your thoughts in knowing what to look for.”

Lilliya nodded, taking a deep, relaxing breath.

Luke took her hands in his; she jumped at the touch, so he squeezed tighter in reassurance. “Close your eyes,” he said, his voice turning hypnotic. “And clear your mind of all thoughts…worries…desires…”

Lilliya did as she was told, letting her eyelids fall and pushing all thoughts from her mind. The last image she saw was of Jenar smiling at her before she fell into a deep meditation. Her senses resorted to the physical. She could feel a warm breeze emanating from the windows brush by her skin; could hear distant animals call each other from the jungles; could smell the sweet scent of floral mixed with dry, dusty dirt; felt her lungs slow with every intake of oxygen and her heart beat in a calming rhythmic pattern; felt warm hands clasped to hers.

Very warm hands. Almost too warm. Lilliya concentrated on not thinking about how Luke’s hands tingled against hers. But as she forced herself to forget about it, the tingling worsened, moving up her arms, crawling up her chin and to her mouth, down her throat and into her chest. Her chest felt heavy, the tingling nearly overwhelming, as if it were drowning her. Her breathing began to quicken and she felt something very hot against her sternum. The sensation was familiar, but she couldn’t pinpoint it.

She slowly opened her eyes and noticed Luke’s were still closed. He didn’t seem to notice her change in countenance. Lilliya was beginning to perspire and the room was spinning.

“Stop,” she said, but the word was barely audible. She tried to let go of Luke’s hands, to break the connection, but she couldn’t seem to remember how to move them. Searing heat pressed hard against her chest. She figured it was her crystal necklace again. She neglected to take it off like Luke had requested, and instead hid it beneath her clothing. A heavy weight seemed to press against her lungs and it felt like only a matter of seconds before she would pass out.

“Stop it,” she mumbled again. Her eyes rolled back and she began to fall backwards.

This snapped Luke out of the meditation immediately. He felt Lilliya’s weight pull on his arms as she fell backward to the stone floor. He let go of her hands and quickly moved to her side, placing his hands on either side of her face. Her eyes were flickering and rolled back. She wasn’t having a seizure, she was definitely not coherent.

“Lilliya, can you hear me?” Luke gently patted her cheek, trying to bring her to. He couldn’t believe this happened again. The last time he tried to penetrate her mind was at the YVA celebration on Coruscant, but he thought that was because she was unaware of the intrusion. This time he warned her of what he was going to do and still she reacted badly. A mind connection through the Force wasn’t supposed to be harmful. Never was before.

“Lilliya!”

Her eyes blinked twice, then closed tightly as she rolled to her side.

“I don’t feel so good,” she mumbled, clutching her stomach.

Luke stared at her in concern. “What doesn’t feel good?”

“My stomach…and chest…head.”

“Everything?”

“Mm-hm.”

Luke sighed in frustration. “Well, I guess that won’t work either. I’m not sure I understand what went wrong.”

“Science experiment…” Lilliya muttered, smiling weakly as she leaned her forehead against the cool stone floor.

Luke smiled sadly. “I suppose you are.”

Lilliya’s breathing began to even out and the heat against her chest subsided completely. She blinked a few times and pulled herself up to a sitting position, Luke supporting her in case she fell again.

“Do you have a history for passing out a lot?” Luke asked wryly.

“Just around you,” Lilliya answered.

“Can you tell me exactly what happened?” Luke said, turning serious.

Lilliya thought for a minute, collecting her thoughts. “I thought I was doing good. I was focusing on everything involving my senses—wasn’t thinking about anything—just noticed how everything felt. Then your hands felt hot—tingly. It spread up my arms, throughout my body, and before I knew it, I couldn’t breathe anymore—felt really sick to my stomach—dizzy.”

Luke frowned. “I’ve never had anyone react that way before.”

“You’ve never seen anyone transport through time and space,” Lilliya mocked. “Unique…”

Luke didn’t respond this time. His blue gaze stared off into space as more and more questions filled his mind. Only one possible answer kept popping up into his thoughts: not human.

His dark blue eyes flicked back to hers, meeting her concerned gaze. His eyes burrowed into hers as he examined them. One eye blue, the other green. The green eye had a diamond scar that flashed colors according to her mood. Her hair changed from gold to silver according to the sun. She didn’t exist in the Force. She couldn’t feel the Force. She could defy physics by transporting. And she wasn’t human, according to her DNA. But she looked exactly like a human, as far as he could see. And that didn’t answer anything.

“Why are you staring at me like that? You’re making me uncomfortable,” Lilliya said, snapping him out of his reverie.

“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

Luke took a deep breath and decided to change the subject. He needed more time to think on this. “Let’s try one more thing and then we’ll call it a day.”

“Are you serious? After I had already gotten sick?” Lilliya exclaimed.

“This one is less complicated and involves more combat. Something you already know.” Luke stood up and called to his hand a remote. He set it to “light stun,” activating it. The remote hovered in the center of the room as Luke pulled out a practice lightsaber.

“Let’s do some lightsaber exercises. Really simple ones,” he said. “I want to test your concentration and defensive skills.” He handed her the lightsaber.

She hesitated, staring at the weapon, then looking doubtfully at the hovering remote. She decided to keep her mouth shut and get the exercise over with. She knew it would be a quick failure anyhow.

Shaking her head, she ignited the lightsaber in resignation, the light blue blade snapping to life.

Luke watched her from across the room clumsily parry with the remote. He knew the exercise would be pointless and wouldn’t shed any light on the mysteries behind Lilliya, but it bought him some time to think. And as he watched, he noticed the lightsaber whined higher and louder than usual; the blue laser blazed brighter. Another curious, unique, and inexplicable reaction to Lilliya’s invisible existence.

Sex, Love, and Success!

Christanna Rowader7 Comments
These three words may be the most complicated words in the human emotional dictionary. Each of us has our own personal definition or way of life for each of these words, and which is the right way and which is the wrong. I of course have my own uncommon perspective on what these words mean, and I will admit that I know my perspective will change as I get older and older.
Let me start with the word SUCCESS. Definitely a loaded word, but so are the words LOVE and SEX. Success has a multitude of “deep” meanings. Success is “trying not to please everybody” (Bill Cosby), is “going for your goal steadily and aiming for it unswervingly” (Cecil B. DeMille), is “to be able to spend your life in your own way” (Christopher Morley), is “finding your lifework in the work that you love” (David McCullough), is “the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm” (Sir Winston Churchill), and it “usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it” (Henry David Thoreau). The list of meanings goes on and on, but the real, straight-up definition of success is defined as “a degree or measure of succeeding; favorable or desired outcome; the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).
As we all grow into the people we are being shaped to be, we are all faced with the fear of failing in whatever it is we are striving towards. Some of us are more fearful than others, have expectations that seem impossible to fulfill, and we are always standing on the edge of what-ifs and how-comes. Some of us have dreams that are never achieved and we feel we have failed in life because of it. I tell you that is not so. Things change and alter around us for a reason and it is how we react to those changes that determines our success. It is our fear of failing that will cause us to fail. The ability to overcome your fear will bring you success. That is what SUCCESS means to me. To live life without fear getting in the way.
Now it’s ironic that fear is the leading cause in failing in another area of life: the ability to LOVE. If you fear love, you fail love. Another loaded word. Here’s what the world thinks of love: “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” (Alfred Lord Tennyson); “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” (David Viscott); “One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love” (Elizabeth Aston); “All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built on sand” (Ella Wheeler Wilcox); “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness” (Friedrich Nietzsche); and finally, “There is no remedy for love but to love more” (Henry David Thoreau).
In my current situation, I have had only one great love. But even then, as I look on it now, I don’t know if I was really in love or not. I have found that I don’t know what real love is or how it feels. I can’t seem to recognize it. So I go out and test my reactions to certain people by dating them. Some of them excite my physical side, others are intellectually fun to talk to, and some of them are the infamous arrogant bastards playing off as good guys. Can’t fool me! I can smell a sneaky asshole from miles away.
Finding out what love means for each and everyone of us takes a lifetime. So, if I could tell you what love means to me right now, I know that years down the road it will change again. So I can only tell you that, after careful observation of the chemical reactions in my body and mind that is closely related to what I consider “love,” this feeling of obsession and desire is very hard to find when masked by bitterness. After a messy breakup, bitterness takes its place, as much as some of us deny it, and won’t fade until desperation for love comes again. And when I say “desperation,” I’m talking really, really, really desperate. People can go a long time without falling in love again, feeling invincible to the potential heartbreak love brings. But even with all the bitterness I’m working on disintegrating from my heart, I know now that love is a decision, a “choice you make to want the best for the other person.” I heard that from somewhere, but I don’t remember where. I think I finally understand what it means.
Which leads me to the last complicated word: SEX. Love is most commonly related to the action of sex, or sometimes referred to as “making love.” Sex is also seen as “the act of love” even if the two people aren’t really IN LOVE—whatever that means—but it is a moment where people share a moment of tenderness.
This is how sex is seen by much wiser people than me: “I know nothing about sex because I was always married (Zsa Zsa Gabor); “In America, sex is an obsession. In other parts of the world, it’s a fact” (Marlene Dietrich); “A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes, she’s a tramp” (Joan Rivers); “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place” (Billy Crystal); “One thing I’ve learned in all these years is not to make love when you really don’t feel it; there’s probably nothing worse you can do to yourself than that” (Norman Mailer).
I was once a girl who wanted to wait until marriage so that sex was the gift I would give to my husband. I was very adamant about it, but then lost my V-card to a boy I thought I was madly in love—same old song and dance—after seven months into the relationship of both being virgins. I was 21 years old. After the relationship ended, I made myself promise that I wouldn’t have sex again until I was “in love”…again. Instead, I had a night with someone I cared very deeply about. My best friend. And it was also seven months in. Not that there’s a pattern, but I thought it interesting to mention. Then I moved to California and a week into it I had been asked out by The Terminator. By the second date, I gave into my desire for sex with him. Totally out of character for me! Because it wasn’t out of love that I had sex with him, but rather it was a moment of random passion. I realized then that my perspective on sex really had been completely altered. I’d overheard that after the end of your first serious relationship, the whole idea of love and sex changes. And so it did. Which surprises me and then…makes perfect sense.
There isn’t a sense of regret for any of it. Sex is still something I hold very special, but only for the one I choose it to be special with. The Terminator may have been a one time thing, because I still want to wait until I’m in love before doing it again. And falling in love for me is rare and numbered. So maybe, when the day finally comes where the feelings of obsession and happiness combine, where I can finally say “I am madly in love with you!” and it is returned, I will be successful in something everyone wants. Love plus sex. A success in of itself.
So there you have it. Some wise words explaining wise words from someone who’s learning to be…

These three words may be the most complicated words in the human emotional dictionary. Each of us has our own personal definition or way of life for each of these words, and which is the right way and which is the wrong. I of course have my own uncommon perspective on what these words mean, and I will admit that I know my perspective will change as I get older and older.

Let me start with the word SUCCESS. Definitely a loaded word, but so are the words LOVE and SEX. Success has a multitude of “deep” meanings. Success is “trying not to please everybody” (Bill Cosby), is “going for your goal steadily and aiming for it unswervingly” (Cecil B. DeMille), is “to be able to spend your life in your own way” (Christopher Morley), is “finding your lifework in the work that you love” (David McCullough), is “the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm” (Sir Winston Churchill), and it “usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it” (Henry David Thoreau). The list of meanings goes on and on, but the real, straight-up definition of success is defined as “a degree or measure of succeeding; favorable or desired outcome; the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

As we all grow into the people we are being shaped to be, we are all faced with the fear of failing in whatever it is we are striving towards. Some of us are more fearful than others, have expectations that seem impossible to fulfill, and we are always standing on the edge of what-ifs and how-comes. Some of us have dreams that are never achieved and we feel we have failed in life because of it. I tell you that is not so. Things change and alter around us for a reason and it is how we react to those changes that determines our success. It is our fear of failing that will cause us to fail. The ability to overcome your fear will bring you success. That is what SUCCESS means to me. To live life without fear getting in the way.

Now it’s ironic that fear is the leading cause in failing in another area of life: the ability to LOVE. If you fear love, you fail love. Another loaded word. Here’s what the world thinks of love: “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” (Alfred Lord Tennyson); “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” (David Viscott); “One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love” (ElizabethAston); “All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built on sand” (Ella Wheeler Wilcox); “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness” (Friedrich Nietzsche); and finally, “There is no remedy for love but to love more” (Henry David Thoreau).

In my current situation, I have had only one great love. But even then, as I look on it now, I don’t know if I was really in love or not. I have found that I don’t know what real love is or how it feels. I can’t seem to recognize it. So I go out and test my reactions to certain people by dating them. Some of them excite my physical side, others are intellectually fun to talk to, and some of them are the infamous arrogant bastards playing off as good guys. Can’t fool me! I can smell a sneaky asshole from miles away.

Finding out what love means for each and everyone of us takes a lifetime. So, if I could tell you what love means to me right now, I know that years down the road it will change again. So I can only tell you that, after careful observation of the chemical reactions in my body and mind that is closely related to what I consider “love,” this feeling of obsession and desire is very hard to find when masked by bitterness. After a messy breakup, bitterness takes its place, as much as some of us deny it, and won’t fade until desperation for love comes again. And when I say “desperation,” I’m talking really, really, really desperate. People can go a long time without falling in love again, feeling invincible to the potential heartbreak love brings. But even with all the bitterness I’m working on disintegrating from my heart, I know now that love is a decision, a “choice you make to want the best for the other person.” I heard that from somewhere, but I don’t remember where. I think I finally understand what it means.

Which leads me to the last complicated word: SEX. Love is most commonly related to the action of sex, or sometimes referred to as “making love.” Sex is also seen as “the act of love” even if the two people aren’t really IN LOVE—whatever that means—but it is a moment where people share a moment of tenderness.

This is how sex is seen by much wiser people than me: “I know nothing about sex because I was always married (Zsa Zsa Gabor); “In America, sex is an obsession. In other parts of the world, it’s a fact” (Marlene Dietrich); “A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes, she’s a tramp” (Joan Rivers); “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place” (Billy Crystal); “One thing I’ve learned in all these years is not to make love when you really don’t feel it; there’s probably nothing worse you can do to yourself than that” (Norman Mailer).

I was once a girl who wanted to wait until marriage so that sex was the gift I would give to my husband. I was very adamant about it, but then lost my V-card to a boy I thought I was madly in love—same old song and dance—after seven months into the relationship of both being virgins. I was 21 years old. After the relationship ended, I made myself promise that I wouldn’t have sex again until I was “in love”…again. Instead, I had a night with someone I cared very deeply about. My best friend. And it was also seven months in. Not that there’s a pattern, but I thought it interesting to mention. Then I moved to California and a week into it I had been asked out by The Terminator. By the second date, I gave into my desire for sex with him. Totally out of character for me! Because it wasn’t out of love that I had sex with him, but rather it was a moment of random passion. I realized then that my perspective on sex really had been completely altered. I’d overheard that after the end of your first serious relationship, the whole idea of love and sex changes. And so it did. Which surprises me and then…makes perfect sense.

There isn’t a sense of regret for any of it. Sex is still something I hold very special, but only for the one I choose it to be special with. The Terminator may have been a one time thing, because I still want to wait until I’m in love before doing it again. And falling in love for me is rare and numbered. So maybe, when the day finally comes where the feelings of obsession and happiness combine, where I can finally say “I am madly in love with you!” and it is returned, I will be successful in something everyone wants. Love plus sex. A success in of itself.

So there you have it. Some wise words explaining wise words from someone who’s learning to be…

*all these quotes were taken from http://www.quotationspage.com/

California Update!

Christanna Rowader7 Comments

Okay, so after about a couple of weeks of boredom, suddenly in one week I am bombarded by a billion things to do. Last Sunday I spent all day in Santa Barbara with The Terminator and experienced oysters for the first time. Let me tell ya, eating oysters was a difficult thing to do.

Tossing an oyster down...ugh.
Tossing an oyster down…ugh.

It’s like going down on a guy. Just gotta keep telling yourself to not think about it. Just swallow—swallow—swallow. I had two and that was enough for a lifetime. That day I also had lobster for lunch and filet mignon for dinner and freshly made cupcakes for dessert at this awesome little bakery called Cupcakery. Love it! And then around 11pm I sang Sweet Child O’Mine and Don’t Rain On My Parade at this little karaoke bar, flooring the bar inhabitants. Didn’t get home until 2:30am.

The following Tuesday I was invited out by a girl, Stephanie, from work to go to the Jay Leno Show. I was totally stoked! She and her boyfriend and I got to sit up front and shook Leno’s hand. You can actually see me for a couple of seconds at the very beginning of the show. I’m in the teal and black striped sweater. He was so cool. Looked like a plastic doll up close. His guest was Bill Cosby and he was freaking hilarious! So amazing is Bill Cosby!!! [UPDATE: …..no longer hilarious or amazing……]

Later that night we went CANYON RACING with Stephanie’s friend Corey!!! Instead of 30 min., it took us 7 min. to get to Malibu from where we were. My stomach was in my throat the whole time. I was holding on for dear life, but it was incredible. Corey owns a street car race car which means it can grip regular street pavement and turn on a dime. Pretty nuts.

The next day, I met up with an old friend from high school, Jennifer Ricks. She is assistant designer for GUESS Jeans. She showed me around her work inside GUESS headquarters. We had lunch at the Wolfgang Puck cafeteria and then shopped inside the warehouse store where GUESS items that were approved or not approved (meaning they probably never made it to the big stores so it makes them one of a kind) and I was in GUESS heaven! Because of Rixie’s 40% discount off of already hugely discounted stuff, I bought over 500$ worth of clothing for only 100$!!! I was a very happy girl. I’ve never owned nice jeans before and they fit me perfectly. Maybe because the girl the base all their jean sizes on (whom I met during lunch) is exactly the same size as me. I said to her, “So you’re the girl I can blame if something doesn’t fit me right.” She laughed and said, “Yep!” One of the pairs of jeans I bought would be priced close to 200$ in the store, but in the warehouse they were only 40$. I nearly choked when the register lady told me that.

So, all in all, it’s been quite an interesting week. I’m getting the hang of Burbank, Westlake, Simi Valley, and even a little bit of L.A. Speaking of which, I noticed the L.A. style of driving is rubbing off of me. There was a point in downtown where I cut a bunch of people off to get back on the freeway (which, by the way, sucks because the on ramps to freeways are crazy illogical!). I thought to myself, wow, I really am turning into a California driver.

I will say, though, I haven’t had a tinge of homesickness. I have missed my closest friends very much, but I definitely feel great here. I love how all the towns dress up for Halloween. Everywhere I go there are elaborate decorations making me feel like a kid again. Much different than lame Arizona which doesn’t get in the spirit for any holiday. On a side note, I have been applying to IGN consistently for all their openings, one of which really fits me as Expanded Editor. However, the job is in San Fransisco. Boo. 😦 But I applied anyway. If I could get a well paying job with IGN, I would be set for life. We’ll see what happens.